The Tales of a Lonley Traveler Down an Empty High School Hallway

Break
the mold
Be
different
Be
Bold
Don't
care
What other people think
Open
minded.
Freely
thinking.

Eventually,


Rejection.

I guess you could call me
Average
Normal
Ordinary

And I guess you could call me a
Student
Musician
Artist

Well, you probably have

Wait, I guesss you could also call me
Different
Individual
Strange

And you could call me
A poet
A writer
Creative

But you've probably called me
Weird
Emo
Obsessive
Obnoxious
Depressed
Self-destructive

Yeah, I think I heard that walking down the hall yesterday.

What is true love?
Is it the look in the eyes of a newly wed husband and wife
As they walk down the aisle?
Is it the protection of a mothers arm to
A newborn baby?
Is it the tears in our parents eyes as we
Walk away, off to live our own lives?
Or is it the ecstacy of a teenagers
"First time"?

Or is it none of these?
Is it the bond between life long friends
Even when one is miles away from the other?
Can true love occur between a person and an object?

What is true love to you?

A wedding dress without
Her bride
Sitting in the shop window
Admirers stopping,
Looking,
Wishing.

Little girls, dreaming of that
Fairy tale wedding
20-something women dreaming of
Finding Mr. Right and
Old married women, remembering
A simpler time.

But I go into that shop
Past that
Wedding dress without
Her bride and go back
To the very back racks
To the lonely dress without
Even a manniquin to fill
That empty space for now

I take that dress off that rack
And admire its sad beauty and
Dream of my fairy tale wedding
Of finding Mr. Right and being able to
Look back on a simpler time

As I put the dress back and
Walk out the door I see
A mother and daughter admirinig the
Wedding dress without her bride
Sitting in the shop window
The mothers face in rememberence of a simpler time
And the daughters face
Full of hope for her better life to come.

Music
Flowing through the very air we breathe
Gentle notes
Coming together to make a melody
High Pitched
Low Pitched
Slow notes
Fast Notes
Weaving in and out of my soul.

Grey clouds
wet ground
wind blowing
cold.

Orange leaves
brown leaves
on the ground
::crunch::

Many layers
gloves and scarfs
coffee cup
bus stop.

Twenty minutes
please come early
iPod out
peace.

Bus pulls up
pay the fare
climb aboard
get there.

Well, it's too late for you now
I saw the light
Smlied for the first time
And said goodbye
To you, to the old me

Sorry but you missed your chance
And now that the wool
Has been lifted from my eyes I see
That you would've never satisfied me

I used to want even just your friendship
Now, I know and am somewhat glad
That will never happen

So I say, goodbye and
Well, the ride was ...interesting
But I'm glad to get back onto
Dry land.

twas helllllza fun. yesh. got to see a lotta ppl who didn't recognize and some ppl i was verrry happy to see and some other ppl that i was happy to see and yeah. grrrreat times. haha can't wait for saturday. BUMBERSHOOOOOT! oh yeah, 11h50min till i'm 15! bwahahahahah

yay.... golden gardens is THE place to be. caitlin had her 16th bday party there last night. mmmfunstuff. i got proposed to multiple times by alex and claire. haha it was fun. and i met and re-met some cooool people. i met andrea who's really awesome but kinda shy and i re-met jesse who was in my math class. i thought he was shy and all back then.. but haha nope! he's really really cool and i hope we have classes together next year. yeah, we built a fire on the beach! i knew that was gonna happen by the end of the summer.:) yeah, we has s'mores and cracked ppls backs and leaning posts and got ppls phones out of their pockets and freak danced with like 5 ppl and no music and ate good food and almost got thrown into the water and played some soccer and threw chicken bones in the fire and yeah... it was fun. we made a new way to greet each other at school. it goes like this: *puts hand on their stomach* "hey." or if its a guy you could put your hand on their pec.. kinda depends on how well you know them, eh? anyways, i'm gonna go... and oh yeah MY BIRTHDAY'S TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! mhmmmmmmmmm mk cya laters! ily.

why am i not excited for school?? seriously, for the past 9 years, i've been STOKED. but i'm not this year. why?? am i just getting used to school? do i no longer anticipate possibilities and amazing things that the future school year may hold for me? this year might be the most promising one yet and i'm just... there. i don't know. its really bugging me. mk, leaving. ily.

my mac is sucking right now. it won't let me upload some new pics on myspace. grrrrr i'll fix it later. just thought i'd let anyone who acutally reads this know.

Aaaaahhh The West Wing. my favorite show ever. if you haven't seen it, you should go out and rent it. its very well written and very well directed. i'm watching it right now, i think the 3rd season. and yeah, i don't have much else to say, cuz i wanna watch west wing instead of write. so... cya.

this entry really doesn't have much content, i'm just bored. i've been sitting on my roof since about 11:30 and i just got off it. i loooove it up there. i wish i had a laptop i could bring up there. maybe i could steal my dads... but what if i dropped it? ugh, that would suck. i prolly could get my creative writing and poem ness back if i wrote up there. but i dont' really have a way of doing that. grrrr. man i wish i could bring *him* up on my roof some night. but he'd have a hard time getting here, specially this late at night and my parents would never let me up there alone with any guy. ::sigh:: i really wish i was older. i feel like a 17 or 18 year old trapped in the body and life of a 15 year old. you may think "oh, its only 2-3 years..." its sooo much more than that. a very smart friend of mine once said, "the older you get, the shorter a year becomes." see, like a relationship between a say, 13 and 17 year old seems really gross, but a relationship between a 22 and 26 year old seems just fine. get it? its definately a maturity thing. and guys mature so much slower than girls and i've also grown up with someone 4 years older than me, so i feel even more mature than my fellow 15 year old girls. this totally sucks, cuz the 17 and 18 year olds just see me as a little 15 year old sophomore, or as a little sister. it really sucks. i wish i could be 17 or 18 soo bad. i'm also sick of high school, and i'm only a sophomore. i want to go to college... haha, i just want to grow up. and it scares my parents. they want me to be their "perfect little girl" forever. i want to be done with being their "little girl" perfect or not. this is prolly a normal teenage-girl thing, but still, i feel like i want to grow up a lot more than my peers. maybe the influence of older friends has really affected me. its kinda cool i think, i just want older "teens" i guess to look past the young exterior and see the mature interior of me. hmm maybe i should write a poem about this, maybe not, i've lost my touch i think. i also lost my book of all my poems ;_; but i don't think i care THAT much. i mean, the guy i wrote about in there... is done. really done. and the poems that were good, i have written down elsewhere. so i'm good. i just hope my enemies don't have it. but then again, would it really matter? am i that scared of them? and the people who hate me for my writing, aren't worth my time, cuz they'd hate my opinions too. which is basically me in general. i know who my true and loyal friends are, i don't need to worry about how others think about me. and if you've followed this blog so far, congrats ::confetti:: cuz i've kinda lost myself. but i don't care. i lost my self a loooong time ago. or maybe i'm just at the beginning of finding it. i've changed soo much over the past few years. i discovered new music, new friends, new atmospheres, new homes, new... skills. are those the only things that shape us? do they even shape us at all? and do we really only have one "self"? i read once, in a book, that everyone has "a thousand halves" which i feel is so true. there are so many dynamics of the human mind and personality, that how can we define ourselves in one stereotype? and when, as teenagers, we go through "phases" i think we're just discovereing more halves of ourselves that we can pull out later in life. we can't call someone fake, they're just trying out a half of themselve that may not fit or not. if it doesn't fit, don't wear it. put it away and maybe later in life you'll grow into it. k, i'm done for now, i'll most likely write more later. ily.<33

well, we've almost finished our basement rec room. it'll be awesome! i might even try and move my comp down there... but i don't know. my brother's down there almost 24/7 and that might get really annoying. and i want to be near my roof and near my comp at night... so maybe not. anyways, all we need to do is pick up the couch from ikea, get the tv and dvd player down there and we'll be set! this is gonna be really great.

So I'm just sitting in my TV room watching football. ahhh, peace. it's so wonderful. seahawks 14, south dakota (i think) 7. i can't wait for football season at Roosevelt. i never reallyl appreciated football until last year, when i joined marching band and actually attended a football game for the first time. i acutally understand it too. its acutally rather interesting. aaaanyways, onto another subject. i just found out, me and my friend Erin are the ONLY two people (besides matt we think, but he doesn't really count :P) in our youth group that are NOT at the Cassius, Don't Come Home concert tonightl. the only reason i'm not there is that i'm grounded, tho i still have my comp privilages. and, i'm very sorry to say, but i think i'd rather have my computer than be at a cassius show. but i promise i will be at the one at the l.a.b. its gonnna be great. and the only reason erin's not at the concert tonight is that her parents think its an "unsafe environment" which cracks me up cuz they let her go to an Emery concert which was HUGE and a lot later at night, but not a Cassius show, in which her parents would know most everyone in the crowd and parents were much more likely to attend, since their children are acutally in the bands. owell. parents are paranoid, and i find it rather fitting that both those words start with the same three letters. p, a, and r. whatever. so yeah, being grounded sucks, but not as bad as it could. anyways, i'll prolly post later tonight, when i'm writing from my roof. it'll prolly be a story. maybe i'll start a series. Rooftop Tales.... Stories from a Rooftop... iono, i'll figure something out. see y'all later tonight.

hey guys, i'm back. mainly cuz i had a crappy day. i got grounded for being mature when dealing with my parents lecutring me. sucks. they don't get me. they get pissed at me for growing up. i guess my bro's growing up at the right rate, cuz he never gets yelled at. why do i screw everything up? seriously! parents, guys, school, life. everything. i know my parents just want to help me, but what do they know? sometimes, just letting me be sad and stuff HELPS. its not totally bad, and if it is that bad i'll go to my friends for help, people who acutally care. not these adult robots that think they can control everything and fix anything in a kids life. not really. i feel like i should be graduating next year, not going into the 10th grade. that might just be me, but seriously, i cannot wait to stop living with my parents. i love my house and neighborhood and all... i just can't stand my parents. and i'm grounded so i can't get out of the house to escape them. grrrrrrr. anyways, that's all for now, i'll write more later when i can't bear life anymore.

omg it was amazing!!! 5 seattle public high schools all got together and put on a show... hellla tight. with free starbucks coffee, but i didn't have any. all the schools were really good, garfield and roosevelt were absolutely AMAZING. Tolovana Stomp, by the rhs jazz is my favorite song ever... and izzy (their vocalist) sang I Got It Bad (And That Ain't Good) which is another one of my favorite songs... soyea i need to sleep now cuz i have orchestra tomorrow at 8am.. 'night!

i can't believe i'm studying right now. its an OPEN BOOK test for goodness sakes! meh, owell, i'm not doing much, just being bored... i failed my math test, but i'm gonna take it again on friday and i now have an A in at least 2 of my classes! yay! i'm kinda happy.. but acutally i don't really care. but i need to leave and "study". have fun doing other stuff ppl!

k, so yesterday was fun, me and erin hung out, with kolleen and acacia at erins house and we watched Les Misreables. that movie's awesome and really sad and really sweet. ok, then after eve. yg, erin came over and we had a sleepover which was fun. we were calling my bro and karsten (my bro was at karstens house) till ike, 1am.. it was tight. then this morning me and erin went dress shopping for her v-day dance and i was kinda looking for a black dress for the big-band dance (it HAS to be black.. and shortish so i can dance ;-D) umm we found really awesome formal dresses that were like $200 so we couldn't buy them, ever. but i'll put pics up on my myspace (www.myspace.com/zip2471) yea, k so there we go for now!

i've had a crappy, depressed, emo day and it sucks. thoppppppppp but the upside is that i got to slap a male cheerleader. :D but he slapped me back. but i couldn't start a full on fight because 1) i'd feel sorry for him, his masculinity's already shot with the whole cheerleader thing, but then if he got beat by a girl too?! 2) i didn't want cheerleader... oozeness on me. so yea... that's the story of the day for right now.